When my son was born in 2018, I had every intention to feed my baby one particular way. I read all the books, took all the classes- I was SO ready to hit the ground running on this feeding thing… or so I thought. Carl struggled to gain weight and I found myself desperate to make breastfeeding work. I was denial about our situation, and after he was diagnosed at a month old with failure to thrive I finally started to come to terms with our reality: I had low milk supply (primary lactation insufficiency).
I would go on to learn a lot about my condition, insufficient glandular tissue, and its symptoms, its impact on breastfeeding, and the grief of mourning a feeding relationship I’d longed for. When my son was four months old, I was producing 6oz of breastmilk a day from 12 pumping sessions, and the chase for more ounces became too taxing on my mental health. We switched to exclusive formula feeding.
When I became pregnant with my second child, Nora, I decided I wanted to breastfeed again, and re-evaluated my goals according to my abilities. I became empowered in acquired knowledge and found my sufficiency as a provider. I realized I was enough. I won’t lie: breastfeeding with low milk supply isn’t easy and mental health takes precedence in your your decisions, but when we find sufficiency and confidence in what we provide it makes a world of difference.
In 2019 I began creating an online platform to connect parents like me; to provide support and affirmation in their progress, to fill a void where support is so lacking. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re screaming at a wall and no one’s listening, to have heartbreak in early motherhood, and to feel like a failure. I want to protect parents from experiencing what I did and to empower them with the knowledge that they’re enough.