I was never anti-formula, I was anti-needing it.

Breastfeeding grief has so many layers, and that experience of feeling removed from the position of choice is one of the biggest influences that factors into our grief. When what we’d planned gets derailed, we’re jolted into a confrontation with the loss of expectations we had for ourselves, with that loss of choice.

It’s a natural response to encounter grief when our autonomy is challenged, especially when we’re inundated with a message that we *should* be able to do something. Grieving that loss of autonomy, that loss of choice, is important. It allows us the ability to recognize our struggle, which is the first step in growing beyond it.

We can move forward towards rediscovering autonomy, towards finding what works for us- but that’s a process much easier to walk through when we work towards accepting our capabilities instead of feeling at war with them.

We find acceptance through grief- we discover that it’s not our bodies that are broken, but fractures in so many other places: support, information, stigmas and expectations, it's all those forces we can't control.

Reclaiming choice in an experience that we feel like passive participants in can empower us as we move forward. We may not have been able to choose what we wanted before, but we can make an active choice now.

We can make a choice according to what options are accessible to us: do we want to combo-feed? Do we want to seek out another provider? Do we need to work towards acceptance in our experience?

Maybe you decide to pump alongside formula, to find donor milk, to comfort nurse, to exclusively formula-feed. Maybe you want to see a therapist, find community, or seek out answers as to why your body works the way it does. You can regain that power of choice by deciding what’s best for you now.

If you need help assessing what options you have, please reach out for support ❤️